I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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