Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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