Kiss
Puke
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize