i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
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he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize