I think im going to throw up on grandma
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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