i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
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Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
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Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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