but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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