can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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