He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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