im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
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This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
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She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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