If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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