she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
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She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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