Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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