nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
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just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
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Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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