HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
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Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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