I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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