You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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