brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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