I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
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you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
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It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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