Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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