You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize