well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
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