im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize