I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
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i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
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He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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