I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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