You made me cry and you don't even care
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
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It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
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He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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