I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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