I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
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My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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