are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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