Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize