My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
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Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
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One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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