My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize