He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize