I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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