I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
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I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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