After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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