I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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