I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
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She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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