hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
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Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize