life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize