Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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