i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize