my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize