am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize