There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
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