All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
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I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
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I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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