they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize