guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize