An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You pole danced in your parka.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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