i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
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He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
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Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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